Jenn Turner- CFTE (00:51)
Hey Joanna.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (00:53)
Hey there.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (00:54)
Thank you so much for joining me for this conversation. I'm really excited to share your work with our community.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (00:59)
Thank you. I'm excited and I'm really honored to be here.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (01:02)
My pleasure, absolutely. So Joanna Curry Sartori, LMFT, is the founder and president of the Self Leadership Collaborative, SLC, and creator of the Paws for Self Leadership model, a licensed marriage and family therapist and educator.
Joanna has dedicated more than 25 years to fostering individual and collective wellbeing across schools, organizations, and communities. Inspired by the internal family systems, IFS model, she developed Paws as a simple yet powerful framework for cultivating self-awareness, compassion, and collaborative capacity in everyday relationships. Through SLC,
Joanna and her team equip leaders, educators, coaches, and organizations with self leadership practices that transform culture from the inside out. Joanna is also the author of The Self-Led Educator, which bridges the fields of psychology and education to offer a new paradigm for relational wellbeing and leadership. I am so pumped to dive on in with you.
But first, if I can hand it over to you and you could maybe share a bit about the practice you're gonna lead us through.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (02:20)
Yeah, thank you so much, Jen.
So I'm just really, really excited to be with you and your community and so grateful
we can access and embrace healing through being with ourselves in our physical experience, through our embodiment, and that that's such a powerful portal into being with ourselves and being in the present moment.
So as you'll see, as I share more about the Paws model with you, Paws appreciates that in the end, we wake up every day and we have a lot to do, right? We're in action and we're in interaction and we need to be connected with what's called for here and what do these folks with me need? And so often we may skip over connecting to ourselves. And I know your community is really dedicated to that, aware of that.
So I thought maybe as we are landing here together in this learning space, in this space of colleagues together, we could take a moment to practice something that's from the beginning of the PAUSE model. The P of the PAUSE model is to pause and the A is to be aware of myself. And there's many different micro practices that we've developed in our curriculum to support people with that awareness step to be aware of ourselves.
And because of your community's commitment to embodiment, thought I'd love to just pluck something out of the middle of our curriculum, something I generally introduce once we've had a few sessions in a workshop or something. I just want to bring it right up front with you folks. So if you're game, I want to teach you, we have a mini acronym in the A, which is UBAC. So the steps are to unblend, befriend, and attend.
to connect with ourselves.
So also you acknowledge that the work that I'm bringing is inspired by internal family systems. So in that, we simply hold an awareness that at any given moment, as we become aware of ourselves, we may notice different parts of ourselves are present, different parts of ourselves are present as sensations or thoughts or feelings. And so I'm going to guide you in a simple physical awareness practice to attune to what's there. And I'll ask you questions.
to unblend and that's just to notice what's there, to befriend, to hear and listen in as if we're talking to a friend on the inside, like what's your message? And to attend what's needed. So that's kind of the context. Now let's dive in, right? Okay, so find a comfortable posture in your seat.
If you're in a space and place where you feel safe and comfortable to drop your gaze or close your eyes, you're welcome to do so. And begin by just tuning into your body as a whole and just noticing what's there.
inviting in a spirit of curiosity and even compassion. What's here right now? Just what bubbles to the surface.
Maybe you notice the flow of your breath.
Maybe you notice the sensation of your chair.
And as we're landing together, I invite you with the exhale just to settle even a little bit more.
And so now following the steps that I mentioned, I'm going to guide you on a tour through your body to just check in with yourself and what's there right now. So to begin, I invite you to bring your attention to your head. And if it would be supportive and nurturing for you, you're even welcome to place your hands gently on your head. Just focusing in on this.
part of your physical experience.
And first, a little unblending, that's just to shift into that noticing stance, noticing what's here right now, what's my experience right now in my head.
Are there sensations?
Sometimes we feel that mask on our face.
You notice the quality of your mind. Just notice.
and now befriend.
Just tuning into whether there's a message there.
and attend. What's the need in this moment?
And as you tune in, it may just bring a sense of understanding. It might bring some care and awareness.
Perhaps there's a shift or releasing even in your body or your posture.
Now slide your attention down to your shoulders and if you'd like again, you can just bring your awareness there or if it supports you, you can gently place your hands as compassionate friends on your shoulders. Bringing attention to that area of your body, your shoulders, connected to your back and your upper body.
Begin with just a little gentle unblending to be with, to notice, to bring attention to the experience and the sensations in the area of your upper body and shoulders. What do you notice right now?
and then befriending? What message is there right now?
Sometimes we carry burdens or the weight of the world or all of our shoulds on our shoulders. So with this gentle awareness, just notice any messages you're getting.
And now attend. What does that part of your body need? What are those parts of you need?
Sometimes just this sweet attention and acceptance is all it needs.
And sometimes another message comes up about what you need to take care of yourself.
One more area of focus. You can slide your hands down if you like. Bring your awareness to your torso. I like to place a hand on my belly and a hand on my heart.
And just notice what's happening inside you and your torso. Noticing sensations, noticing the experience right now.
unblending so that you're here with the experience. You're holding space and attention for whatever's happening inside your torso area right now.
befriending, listening for any messages.
Sometimes that's a thought, sometimes it's a feeling, sometimes it's a knowing.
and what do you need right now.
What messages are you hearing around? What would be supportive to you right now?
You can rest your hands on your lap and just take a moment to notice how you are now in this moment.
Having given a little space to be with your inner experience, to be with any different parts of you that are here, to notice what's present in your body.
on blending, befriending, and attending to connect with ourselves.
So I invite you now to take a deeper breath and be aware that you're here with us. And when you're ready, you shift your attention back into our space for connection and community and dialogue and learning. And see if that makes any shift for you in your availability to be here in that space of connection.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (12:16)
Thank you, that was beautiful.
I wondered if we, if you might share a little bit more about what unblending is for folks who may not be familiar with IFS, because I think that's such a potent aspect of it.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (12:30)
Yeah.
Absolutely, thank you. So, so IFS is, let me give a little background. So this is internal family systems. It's a really powerful psychotherapeutic model developed by Richard Schwartz. And, it's inspired, originally he was a family therapist and he found that the principles of family therapy can apply to how we relate to ourselves on the inside.
And we all have sort of an inner family. We all have different, he calls them parts of ourselves because actually he found that we all often refer to different parts of ourselves. And these are sort of our best strategies to date that we learn often at a young age. And so when we're facing our everyday realities and stressors, different parts of us often bubble up and kind of take the wheel and we respond in different ways at different times.
And sometimes this is very helpful and necessary and functional. And some of these parts of us, because they were built in the past, can be a little... They might not relate to this time and place. They may have a more protective response or more extreme response. And so often we say, oh my God, my buttons are pushed or why do I react that way again? Right? So this practice of unblending is, in a sense, it's very parallel to mindfulness. It's activating an awareness of
what's arising within me and where am I coming from? What's leading in me? Not to unblend and get rid of, but to unblend so we can be aware of and be with what's alive within us. And then that brings us into a place where we can hold these parts of ourselves with compassion and have more space to choose how we engage. So to me, the key phrase with unblending is being with our parts.
And not only being with like, goodness, I've got this angry part, I wish it would go away, but I guess I have to be with it. It's like, no, to be with and then bring in curiosity and even compassion. Like, wow, you've been with me for a long time. I appreciate you're here. Help me understand. That's befriending. Help me understand your message. What's your positive intent? You've been helping me for a long time. What's that all about? So Unblending gives us that power to have relationship with ourselves, our internal family.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (14:52)
I it. That's such a powerful link too, I think, for our community around this kind of mindfulness or taking that sort of eagle eye view, 30,000 foot view of what's happening within us or sometimes even if it's a few feet, you know, to step outside and see and witness rather than sort of
I have an IFS therapist,
Joanna Curry-Sartori (15:17)
I've been adapting IFS to bring it into schools and communities and adapting it for everyday application and outside the therapy space. So how do we tune into these different parts of ourselves when we don't have an hour together with a therapist, right? And one of the things that when we, in an IFS session, when we're
checking in with ourselves, the opening question is, how do you notice this part or parts of you in or around your body? And so for me, body scans and tuning into the body, that's the portal into finding our parts because as we know so well, our experience, whatever it may have been throughout our lives, but especially our childhood.
It's not just stored as thoughts in our mind and then thoughts to change. It's not just stored as feelings to understand and then process. It's stored in our bodies and it's stored in an integral way. Like when I think about, especially say we've had experiences of trauma, whether ongoing or acute, our body, mind and heart was all there for that. And we were trying to figure out in that moment, what's my strategy to survive and protect myself and get my needs met.
and make it through this, not just physically, but to feel loved and valued and safe enough and belonging that I can survive here, right? So that strategy was stored in our whole being, stored in our body as we know well and in our minds and our thoughts. And so to tune into now here in present time, as we're navigating other challenges and stressors, which may be quite different and or smaller, our response system is going to keep popping up.
It's going to show up in our body, our mind and our heart. And so by slowing down to just say, what's here now, it's not just a physical thing or physical sensation. These are parts of us that are carrying these whole rich stories and knowing and wisdom, but often past trauma and just in little micro moments as we tune in and check in now, those are healing moments. Those are restorative moments. Those are updating moments and our body can unknot and unlock and update and be more and more and more.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (17:09)
you
Joanna Curry-Sartori (17:25)
here with us, you know?
Jenn Turner- CFTE (17:27)
Absolutely, absolutely.
I can imagine it's such a helpful tool specifically when you're also bringing it into like schools or other places that you have brought this work when there can be such a critical lens, I think that we bring on ourselves as providers and as educators and.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (17:42)
Yeah.
I love that you bring that up because it's so often what I've watched, whether it's in, you know, whether it's a psychological model or a behavioral model or a spiritual model, depending on how it's set up and also how it's interpreted by people, we may notice certain behaviors or certain parts of us as good and others as bad. And some are accepted and some are not. So if we take, for example,
Jenn Turner- CFTE (18:05)
Yeah.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (18:15)
raising young people and in the school setting. There are certain behaviors and ways of showing up that are acceptable and compliant and rewarded and others that are not. And when we have this lens that what we're seeing is different parts of ourselves, it is truly a game changer. So for example, let's think about, I mean,
just paint a picture of a young person, right? So let's say we've got a young person in a class who has been diagnosed with ADHD and that can be especially challenging for them when they have to focus to learn a new lesson in math class. Okay? So the teacher is presenting, it's hard for them to assimilate the information, they're having trouble making sense of it.
And those moments especially can bring up that vulnerability and feeling kind of especially lost or feeling stupid or not good enough or behind the other kids. Nobody wants to sit around and feeling vulnerable and not good enough. So that's when that protective strategy is going to come up again. And so how is that kid going to protect themselves? Maybe they're going to have a conversation with a friend or be the class clown or put their head down the desk.
or act out because it would be even better to be sent to the principal's office than to have to sit through sitting there feeling that bad and stupid. So then you see that part of them come up.
in the context of parts of saying, wow, that part was well-intentioned. It had a positive intent. It was trying to help them rescue them from that horrible underneath feeling. If we start to have this lens for ourselves, for each other, for our young people, and like I picture, walk around like goggles, like parts goggles. And I sort of just see like, when I see a behavior that puzzles me or it's challenging, I wonder, I wonder what part of this person I'm seeing. I wonder where it's coming from.
I wonder how it's protecting them. I wonder what they need underneath. I wonder what stories there that I'll never know, but maybe I could just hold compassion for that. And it makes it also all workable. Because then, say we then go to approach that young person, rather than shaming or punishing or exiling them. What if we had curiosity and compassion? Hey buddy, I see you're struggling with this one.
I see there's that part of you on top that wants to be playful and kind of have fun. That's kind of hard to focus right now. How can I support you? What do you need? And you might notice that's similar to the steps we did at the beginning. Unblending, I noticed the part in that young person. Befriending, I just toss out some curiosity. I wonder what its message is. I wonder what, and then I wonder what they need. So it really can transform our relationships with each other when we hold this lens, as well as our relationship.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (20:49)
Yes.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (21:04)
ourselves.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (21:05)
I wonder if you might share a little about the process of doing this work, IFS work, and then wanting to bring it out into the world in a different way. Like, you how did that happen? What inspired you to do that? Were there barriers?
Joanna Curry-Sartori (21:19)
Yeah, all great questions. So one piece I'll mention is that I had the great good fortune that as a young person, my mother was a therapist and a yoga teacher and she was involved in some of the cutting edge efforts happening in the medical field to address stress related medical illnesses with relaxation techniques and yoga. so
It was sort of dinner conversation for me growing up. So as I was in elementary and high school, I had these little micro practices, these little nuggets that would support me to notice. See, I was walking into a test and I could notice that my breath was shallow or my heart was beating. And I knew how to take a moment to just sit back. I wouldn't race into the test. I would take a breath and I would write a little note on the top for myself, like, just take a moment one step at a time. Breathe.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (21:46)
Mm.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (22:08)
Right? So number one, I grew up with this gift of awareness that in really simple ways, awareness of ourselves and our state of being could transform how we show up in everyday life. And I've been curious about that because I watched the impact it had for me. Fast forward. I, my son was born.
I'd spent many years trained as a yoga teacher and a meditation teacher, but I was really curious how we could effectively bring these skills and tools to young people at an early age and how it could benefit our families and communities. So I went to graduate school to be a licensed marriage and family therapist. I went to Central Connecticut State University and the program was infused with internal family systems. So it was kind of like in the water you drink while you go to graduate school there.
And we had a school-based program, so I was able to do my internship and practicum in schools. And I started really wondering about, I was seeing the incredible power and sort of effect and authenticity of IFS as a therapeutic model in ways that is very simple, essential principles. And to be trained as an IFS therapist, it's really an art. It's an intricate and exquisite model.
And I was so curious, like, is there any way that this simple essence of IFS can be translated for everyday life, in schools, in families, in communities, for children, even in pre-K?
So this was churning for myself and I was in dialogue with some friends and colleagues. And then our community experienced a tragedy. Here in Connecticut, there was the tragedy at Sandy Hook where that whole classroom of children and teachers were murdered. And one of our colleagues at Central Connecticut State University lost her daughter. And my son at the time was in preschool.
And it was just one of those moments in my life where it stopped. Like, talk about what I could feel in my body, my heart, my gut, my core. I just stopped. And I grieved and I asked.
with so many, like I'm in a well-resourced state that endeavors to invest tremendously in education in many ways. And there's all these dedicated programs and social-emotional initiatives and professionals. What was, why were people falling through the cracks like this? Why this tragedy? Why weren't our children safe in schools? And what is the paradigm shift that we need? What's the missing piece? What is the root?
And I was not alone in this inquiry. And so we started meeting actually every other week at Central to explore this question. And those of us trained in IFS came back again like, OK, let's figure out how do we extract the essence of IFS to bring it to our schools and communities? We started piloting in Connecticut schools and then and bringing in looking really at systemic, not just jump to the students. What about the well-being of the teachers?
not just focus on the teachers, what about the wellbeing of the leaders? Not just those in the school, what about the parents? What about the community agencies? How do we systemically nurture wellbeing? And how does it not feel like another one and done top down initiative that's gonna turn into a box on a shelf with dust on it? How is this alive and how we're being together all day, every day? How does it start with our own alignment and connection to ourselves and our connection to each other?
And then when we're walking the halls and we're in interactions and we hit challenges that in those moments, it's a lie for us and how we're being together. Because I'd been bringing mindfulness to the schools and I would teach a lesson at 830 in the morning and at noon, I'd hear the teacher in the hallway with the students almost yelling at them, come on, you guys, we have to be mindful. Get back in line. If you're not ready to be mindful, go to the calm corner. And I thought, time out. That teacher is so overwhelmed and stressed. So she thinks she's just pulling out a tool.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (25:43)
Mm.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (26:04)
But that's not what mindfulness is. It's not a hammer. So what does it mean to embody this state of being? Not act calm, but feel calm. Not act compassionate, feel compassionate. How do we do that all day, every day with each other? And that was the origin of this model we've built that's now being practiced in hot spots around the globe and now going out to organizations and communities beyond schools. And
Jenn Turner- CFTE (26:06)
Right.
Yeah.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (26:29)
I forever feel it's a pilot. We keep experimenting and expanding and exploring how is this possible to make this a collective way of being, especially now.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (26:40)
how do you support agencies and organizations in embodying this and practicing it once you're done with the training, once you're gone, because the change does have to happen at such a like interpersonal and intrapersonal level that
I guess I wonder what that looks like to not just have it end up on the shelves.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (26:59)
Yeah. Well, that's, mean, I'll.
That is the question. And in a way, it kind of comes back to that wisdom of how important it is that there's practice. But we've embedded this in our design in terms of how we work with communities.
So.
So, you know, actually, if I can actually share a little more what the PAUSE model is, because that's the framework that allows us to support systemic and sustain change.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (27:24)
Yes.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (27:32)
So the PAUSE model is the framework we follow from the moment we come into connection and relationship and partnership with a school or an organization. So the P is to pause and kind of just notice where are we at? What are we focused on? What are we endeavoring to do? The A is aware of myself. Where am I coming from? How am I showing up in this relationship? How am I showing up to work with this organization? Am I coming in with an agenda like I've got the solutions or
You're going to love this or am I coming in with curiosity and to build connection and to understand what's already flourishing and working and to understand where you feel stuck and constrained. So where am I coming from even, or my team and I, where are we coming from as we come into relationship with an organization, then you is to understand. So to continually be listening into what do you think? What's your experience? What's your wisdom? What's working? What might be possible?
And again, where do you feel stuck in constraints? So the you is understanding each other. And so having a really healthy space of dialogue and exploration that's very alive. it's not just, maybe you're already realizing this, this is the entry, but this is the practice throughout. S then is searching for solutions. So when we say, in an organization or community, we have these challenges or these obstacles or these decisions to make, or these things that need to be changed.
So often what happens is we say, what are we going do about it? How are we going to fix it? And whatever our concepts and notions are, we just leap to action. Let's figure it out and take action. But what if before that we had paused, been aware of ourselves? Where am I coming from? What are my perspectives, my assumptions, my needs? What are yours? In that space of relationship and connection, we have a platform to go to searching for solutions, which is the S, to brainstorm, to see what's possible, to explore.
And then E is experiment. Like a scientist, let's take action and see what's possible. So that's the model we teach, but that's the model we practice. And that's the model that we follow and embody as we work in relationship and partnership with an organization or school. And so we're not coming in with follow, like follow this curriculum, do this stuff. We're coming in with let's
follow a practice together, a process together that is about becoming aware of the different parts of where we're all coming from and coming back to our core resource self over and over again and bringing that enriched connection into how we collaborate, approach and respond to the needs of the moment. So pause gives us a roadmap to be responsive to what's called for
in an ever-changing world, but to do so from a space of connection, collaboration. It's not me versus you, we're in an us. It's not fear-based, it's love-based. And from there, we can really see the spectrum of possibilities and I think have beneficial response to the times that we're in. So that's where I get into my hope zone, you know?
Jenn Turner- CFTE (30:38)
I think what strikes me as I'm listening to you is this, you know, the paradigm shift. this idea of like not having this top down approach.
What it sounds like is it's like we're doing this together and actually within you, educator, parent, supervisor, have the knowledge actually. And we're gonna facilitate that together and explore that together. To me, that's a practice that you can carry forward because you're not waiting for someone to wave the wand and say, here's the problem and here's the solution.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (31:05)
Yes.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (31:10)
It's like, let's teach you the process toward identifying what's kind of blocking us here and how we move through it.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (31:17)
Yeah. And what you're speaking to is this aspect of self leadership, which is at the foundation of IFS and therefore embedded at the heart of the Paws model is the conviction that we all possess a space of inner resource, wisdom, love. And in fact, Dick Schwartz found that often people
Jenn Turner- CFTE (31:22)
Mm-hmm.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (31:38)
reference when we're, you know, they're in that state of being by the eight C's and some of those are when a state like we know when we're there, we're ourselves, we're on our game in the flow connected, we're calm, compassionate, confident, courageous, clear, creative, curious. That's who we are. That's so our nature isn't to just be stressed out or self protective. Yes, when we feel threatened, we have those reactions when we feel unsafe.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (32:07)
anymore.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (32:07)
we store those reactions, but that's not who we are. And to come back to this conviction and remembrance, we possess that capacity within us to access and lead from our core self. that's the second core piece from IFS. There's parts and then self. That's a game changer too, right? So if we enter into relationship, if we enter into community, if we enter into a circle with the remembrance that everybody possesses,
their own inner expertise and resource and capacity. And it's about unlocking that in the collective.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (32:43)
you
Joanna Curry-Sartori (32:44)
we can do all kinds of stuff, right?
Jenn Turner- CFTE (32:45)
Yeah, yeah.
Right. I see why that hope circuitry lights up there. one of the things I'm curious about is challenges that you bumped into.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (32:51)
Yeah. Yeah.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (33:00)
There's so many expectations. There's so many things to learn. Like, here's another thing and I'm supposed to be calm and curious and compassionate, you know? How do you, how do you like speak to that? How do you meet that, that overwhelm?
Joanna Curry-Sartori (33:16)
Yeah. No, I really, I really appreciate you naming it. a number of my clients are educators and community leaders. Um, so sometimes it's when I'm with people in one-on-one, sometimes it's when we're first coming into a relationship, like I said, um, leadership in the district or a PTO meeting, but yeah, very often what's on top is so to speak, the reality and the pain points.
There's already too many programs. There's too much to do. I am stressed and overwhelmed, but the thought of stopping to sit and meditate or do mindfulness is just another thing to do. I don't have time for it. And plus my mind won't stop. So coming back to following the pause model, if I'm present to be with the people that I'm in conversation with and not coming from a place of agenda, but to really get and understand, if I'm coming to that you of understanding,
I'm going to put on my parts goggles and know that that's who I'm talking to. So I'm talking to that part of that person that's on top is the part that's overwhelmed. That's trying to hold it all together and trying to please everybody and trying to get it all right, but maybe feels on the edge of cracking because it's just too much to do and doesn't know how it's going to continue, but knows that they can't give up. So if you speak to that part and somebody says, here, I have something more for you to do, they'll fix it. They'll go, no, I can't do anymore.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (34:14)
You
Joanna Curry-Sartori (34:40)
So what do we do? Be with and acknowledge. Wow, there's a party that's so overwhelmed and there's so much to do. It doesn't feel like you could take on another thing. I totally get that. Of course, I understand. It's a lot to hold, isn't it? What do you need? Maybe just a breath? Or you tell me, what do you need? Do you just need some acceptance? Someone to hear you? So the...
Jenn Turner- CFTE (34:42)
You do the thing.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (35:09)
The key is pause at the end of the day. Once we learn it, it's a way of being together all day, every day in what we're already doing. So to me, what's so important is there's no agenda here of something you should do or have to do. There's no agenda to sign people up for something more to learn to do that they don't have the interest and bandwidth for.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (35:20)
Mm-hmm.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (35:34)
So I really try and welcome and meet people and acknowledge them where they're at without judgment. We have told gobs of compassion, everybody is just trying their best right now. This time in the world is so intense and so many folks continue to wake up every day to look at their jobs and the families and the communities before them and they're doing their very best to be of service. Okay, so then how do we sprinkle in a little more awareness and compassion? Well,
Number one, our team has built lots of really mini micro practices, one minute, three minute, five minute. And so that can be an accessible portal for people. The workshops we do run where people get to learn the Paws model and learn each of the steps of Paws. For me, what's important is that people feel like they get to opt in on that. It's not a top down agenda. You opt in if you feel like you have the bandwidth and the interest and the readiness.
And then those folks in the community often end up serving as ambassadors, not because they're out teaching it and professing it, but because they're walking the talk, they're embodying it. They're bringing it into those everyday interactions where they run into a colleague who's overwhelmed and say, well, it seems like a party is really overwhelmed right now. How can I support you? Right? So just infusing a new way of being. It has a grassroots element to it. And it's about what we practice every day.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (36:58)
Right, I love what you said too about it's not adding on, it's way of being in what we're normally doing, what we have to do.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (37:05)
Yeah.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (37:08)
And also just to honor how challenging it can be at times as a provider and educator to put aside your agenda when you have a hope for an organization or an individual to take this on because you're like, this will feel better. And then to work with our parts that come up around that, you know?
Joanna Curry-Sartori (37:28)
So one of the other practices in the you of pause in the understanding step, one is to listen from that place of self and the other is to speak for our parts. So maybe I'm being with you and I'm listening to your part that feels overwhelmed. And then speaking for my parts, I might say, you know, after I've hopefully
been with you and acknowledge your parts. Like a part of me really understands you're so overwhelmed. And I'll speak for another part of me that's holding this wish that maybe there's some way for you to start to have a couple minutes a day to care for yourself. And another part of me that knows I have a couple of ideas I could share if you're ever interested. Or I'm aware of a resource that might genuinely feel supportive if you're curious.
So I can speak for that part of myself with the enthusiasm, but I can name it. When we speak for our parts, they're not just hosing the other person down and piling the other person with an agenda, but I'm owning. This is a part of me with a hope or a wish or an equality, you know? I can hold, just accept you and I have a hope and a wish. But then I don't know, it's a different quality when we speak for our parts, we're just owning it. Like this is my inner landscape. Part of me is thinking this, part of me is feeling that.
I'm not making it your thing to take on and then you don't have to defend yourself against it. Like, no, but I don't want more to do. It's like, oh, I can get that. She, she, she has a hope for me. Oh, okay.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (38:55)
And what I hear in that is choice, right? I am just overwhelmed. And so then we get to go in that direction. Or if I'm feeling like I want to hear those solutions then, but you're inviting me into participating in the process in a way that otherwise we...
this is what I hear your parts. Here's what I need. It's great. So powerful.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (39:17)
Yeah. Well, and the other thing, which I appreciate you naming like that when we come into work with, whether it's with our clients or with coaching or with a whole community, you know, there's the different parts in me that motivate me in my work. And there's sort of my core why, which really kind of feels like it rises up from my soul. And then there's parts of me that want to be helpful.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (39:40)
Mmm.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (39:44)
and want to get things organized under control and parts of me. And these parts of me are well-intentioned. But the curious thing that I've tried to tune into, is this part of really here to selflessly be of service to others? Or is this part trying to get my needs met? That if I'm helpful to you, then I feel like a good person, right? If I say something smart, then I feel okay about myself. So,
It is critical to constantly just scan and check my awareness back to the A, aware of myself, where am I coming from? And this is where it's all a practice all the time. I'm a human being. I do have parts with different agendas. I do want to feel like I'm a good person. I do want to do something about the state of the world when I get up and see the newspaper in the morning.
But then am I, does that activate fear and vulnerability? And then I move into a, I've gotta do something, I gotta, right away. Or can I take a pause and be aware of where I'm coming from, acknowledge those parts of me, recenter, and then choose how I'm gonna respond and choose the action I'm gonna take today.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (41:01)
You know, I think when we can see the impact, the positive impact of work, we can come in with hope, a lot of hope sometimes. And sometimes when if I come to you and I bring a lot of hope, but you're in a place of hopelessness.
I wonder how you think about
meeting someone with the hope that you bring when there might be hopelessness, overwhelm, not even an ability to look forward.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (41:34)
Yeah, I really, I resonate with that. And I mean, on the one hand, it comes back to so when I'm with someone, am I attuned to where they're at and welcoming them as they are welcoming the different parts of them that are present, holding, curiosity and compassion and acceptance. And in order to do that, in terms of hope, what I've noticed, I have to check
where my hope is coming from. Because sometimes what's right underneath my almost cheerleading hope is my own feeling of hopelessness or helplessness.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (42:03)
Hmm.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (42:15)
And I'm trying, I'm actually trying to avoid and remedy that space within myself and not go there by like this. So I have to step back and really rest into. So if my hope is arising from confidence in the power of being with each other in that place of self leadership, confidence of being with each other in a space of love and compassion.
When I rest into that place, it's not agenda driven. And I can really, really trust that if I'm with you as you are, and trust and allow and empower, not even empower, there's no one to empower, be with you on your journey, that that's what will be for the good of all. And that will unfold in whatever way is possible and where it's meant to go. Like I have to really remember that
Because that hope cheerleader wants to go out and change others or impact.
And that curious paradox that the greatest impact comes from the resting into the heart and letting go and being present with.
Maybe what's also to we could insert here and play with and think about is there's something so powerful in holding an intention and a wish.
that we, know, like knowing what's possible when we can heal and unburden and rest more and more into being with these parts that have experienced harm and pain, that they can experience our core presence. Like we can hold an intention for that.
but not an agenda for another person's journey.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (44:02)
Mm-hmm.
You're walking the talk, you're embodying the practice
Joanna Curry-Sartori (44:08)
what supports being able to hold a genuinely authentic hopeful space, a space of intention versus hope with an agenda. I'm kind of curious what your experience is with that.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (44:18)
I really relate to what you describe as sort of like taking a bit of inventory in what is coming up for me and why I'm feeling hope and what it is where I get tripped up is wanting to soothe someone with my hope. that has its own roots in my own history and historical line.
And so when that comes up for me, it's like, is the tending to my own patterns. And I've had a number of clients I've worked with where we talk about how like, I'm finding myself holding hope and I know that you're not feeling it. We've come to a place where we're dialoguing around that. I'm like, if it's okay with you, I'm just gonna still hold a little bit for you.
And so we'll get to that place sometimes. And it's different than I need you to feel hopeful in order for us to work together or some expectation, right? Of like, I don't want to be with your pain and discomfort. Sometimes I think the heart of so much of this work is around tolerating people suffering in pain and actually not
needing to fix or soothe or regulate like we hope for that we want we would like for folks to find those resources. But if we're too focused on it, we miss the opportunity to actually be with the suffering and the hurt and the struggle and the stress.
I really relate to what you're talking about, like turning back inward to see like what's driving me here.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (46:02)
The other gift of IFS for me, which has really been huge, is that, I mean, the way that Dick Schwartz says it simply is there's no bad parts. But in practice, what that means is, so I go for my own IFS therapy to learn to be with the different parts of me, including the parts that have anger, grief, loss, pain.
terror. The parts of me that I have wanted to avoid thought were bad, thought were difficult, thought would just suck me in and take me over, right? And here's the thing, in my experience, every time I have been supported in that cauldron of compassion by my therapist to go and be with those parts.
going into me being with these parts in myself, with compassion, with curiosity, with space, I hear their story. I hear their wisdom. I hear how this response, this part of me had the very best of intention when it developed and with the pattern it took on and the job it took on. And I hear its longing to try and help me.
and makes sense. And I hear how very often it's just stuck and frozen in another time and place and I can bring it up to be with me, the adult self now. I say this because over and over and over again, these parts of myself that I thought were too dark, too difficult, too frozen, too something turned out to be a package of blessings and
Jenn Turner- CFTE (47:47)
Mm-hmm.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (47:47)
a gift like once I wanted to be with this part of myself and to humanize it and to feel its beating heart and it and kind of unlock it from that frozen role at that frozen time. It unlocked energy in me. It helped me see and understand myself more wholly and it wasn't bad at all. So when I'm as a therapist
Jenn Turner- CFTE (48:08)
Yeah.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (48:11)
or a coach or a consultant or a facilitator or a teacher being with other people with difficult, dark, bad, hard parts. I know that those parts all have a positive intent. They are not bad. And then if we bring our compassion, attention to them, it's not going to take us somewhere deep, dark and bad. It's going to unlock our energy and our integration.
and our capacity to be here now. So.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (48:44)
Absolutely.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (48:46)
And it's I really credit the gift of having my own experience in therapy to have that 100 % conviction. And so I don't get nervous and scared and worried when I'm with different parts of my clients because I've now had the privilege of watching them for years one after another after another when they're with their parts of these are not bad. And so that I guess the hope that I hold for them when I loved what you just said about like I'll hold hope.
What I hold with them too is I know this is not something bad and I know that you have the resources within you to be with it and I'm right here with you.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (49:23)
Mm-hmm.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (49:24)
You
Jenn Turner- CFTE (49:26)
So powerful.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (49:28)
Yeah. But see, that's how it gives us a lens to walk through every day too, right? It's not just something that happens in a therapy space. The gift of this outlook translates into all day every day.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (49:43)
Yeah. And to me, that is such an exciting piece of the work that we're trying to do at the center is really like, how can we take these like really deeply studied, practiced, researched principles and then bring them out into the world to generate greater access? I don't know if you ever think about this, like what it would look like if more schools, all schools,
took on this way of being, how that would impact children, how that would impact us on the whole as a society.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (50:17)
so dramatic.
When you know, it's, cause as a therapist, it's quite remarkable to me how often the parts of us that kind of get frozen and stuck in patterns from difficult experiences, a lot of that goes back to what happened, not just at home, but in our communities and with the other kids and at school. And so while healing and repair in our families is foundational,
The schools are a collective space where together we are raising our children. And so if we can bring consciousness into that space and a healing place, and it's also where we learn how to work with each other. It's how we learn how to be amongst our differences and express our needs and work in teams and solve problems. yeah, let's dare to dream. Raising generations.
that have that self-confidence, healthy relational capacity that allows them to work together constructively to respond to the many, many needs of our world. And I don't mean to burden this current generation for us to raise them that way. We have to totally own 100 % our healing in shifting into a new way of operating and being together to model that for them in the space of school communities. But yeah, if folks were, kids were nurtured in that.
and their nervous systems wire up around collaboration, community, connection, and contribution. Those are like a new set of C's. Right? What could happen? What can happen? And what does happen? We have schools that are practicing this. And it is remarkable. Yeah.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (51:48)
Yeah, yeah, unreal.
What do
you see in those schools? Like what are some of the outcomes or impacts, you know, that you've seen?
Joanna Curry-Sartori (52:05)
Well, it's curious because I just focused on the kids. what I find so interesting is how often what the adults say is that generally the hardest parts of their job and the hardest interactions are not with the children. It's with the other adults. It's with their colleagues. It's with the teams. It's with the power dynamics. It's around different agendas and perspectives and values.
And what pause unlocks is the ability to slow down and listen and understand each other, to get each other. And instead of trying to push forward from here, coming into a softening and being able to either like this or side by side, look at what's okay. we're here to take care of our children community. How do we want to do this together? So it's a transformation in the quality of adult interaction and community.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (52:49)
where
Joanna Curry-Sartori (52:56)
and not feeling alone. Like, here's another little story. During the pandemic, when the pandemic first hit, I had been running a lot of cohorts in schools. It all stopped. Of course, all the teaching went online and three months later, one superintendent called me and she said, our teachers are having such a hard time. I need your help. Can you facilitate some staff meetings online on Zoom? And we were just all trying to figure out how to do Zoom, right?
So was this one meeting I got online with like three screens full of teachers. So was something like 80 people. And I said, wow, there's so many different things going on in the outside. It's a lot of demands, but there's a lot going on in the inside and maybe different parts of us are coming up. I didn't do a presentation that we have different parts of us. I just named, we've got different parts of us. Can you all start to name with me? What are some of the different parts of you coming up during this time?
And at first they named like the top level of like, you know, I've, I'm working so hard. I'm trying to hold it all together. I have to learn a lot. I have to be a student again to figure out how to adapt to online. And I really want to show up for my team. I'm going above and beyond. And then we started to scrape down into the next level and I'm feeling really overwhelmed and I feel not good enough. And after 25 years in education, I feel like a failure and I'm actually really anxious underneath.
but I think I'm the only one and I feel so isolated alone and I'm really broken hearted and sad. So they started naming their layers and safety built and more sharing, more sharing. And I'm looking across these screens and tears are rolling down their cheeks. And I said, help me understand what's happening for you. And they said, I thought I was the only one.
So we think we're supposed to put on game face. We think we're supposed to leave our feelings at the door. And this isn't just schools. This is in so many professional settings, right? I have to get up and work with these people tomorrow. I can't be vulnerable and tell them about my past. I'm not asking them to, I'm just inviting that we share our present time humanity with each other. We've many different parts of us. It's not saying I am an anxious person or I am an, a part of me has been feeling kind of anxious lately.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (54:57)
Mm.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (55:04)
And a part of me is really dedicated to keep going. A part of me kind of got frustrated there. And another part of me is confident we can figure this out. So to have our different perspectives and needs and valuable contributions represented that we have a voice to speak for our different parts, we can be so much more real with each other, not alone, get each other, hear more perspectives.
Like how often does a decision get made? And a month later, someone's like, why did we do that? We should have sat down and like, cause now we can see, well, Susie actually had those ideas, but we didn't invite her to the table and she didn't feel safe sharing her perspectives. Right? So it's not just about feelings and, like, it's about how we're showing up here and now together. And if we change that amongst the leadership, the adults, the teams and our communities and in our schools.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (55:45)
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (56:01)
All those adults are taking care of children all day. All those adults have kids watching them all day, interacting with them. And then if we figure it out, then moment to moment in challenging moments, we're coaching our young people. They're learning it from us because we know how to stay regulated, notice our different parts, make a choice, how we want to proceed. And then we organically can coach them in that social emotional wellbeing. You know, and that's
Jenn Turner- CFTE (56:08)
Yes.
More chills.
More chills. That's it. You know, I think there's so much energy we spend on how do we care for clients, students, whatever. And then it's rather than like, how am I showing up? How do we show up together as a team?
Joanna Curry-Sartori (56:30)
than change.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (56:40)
We're going to share resources around you and the work that you do in the program notes.
Joanna Curry-Sartori (56:45)
I guess you mentioned that I wrote a book, The Self-Led Educator, and I mean, that really is about starting with us. While the examples in the book are many stories from in and around school communities, I invite anyone who's just curious in this work to pick up the book, because it's just a helpful guide and resource, and there's different practices right in there that they can play with.
And also if they're curious to learn more, can go to our website, which is the Self-Leadership Collaborative. And finally though, Jen, I really want to thank you for not only hosting this podcast, but for your leadership in your organization, in your space, in your community. I really feel like I'm with a sister colleague in our endeavor to discover how we bring this awareness into our everyday lives together. Kind of looking to crack the code and it's so
Jenn Turner- CFTE (57:27)
the
Joanna Curry-Sartori (57:36)
nourishing to be in these spaces of connection and dialogue. So thank you for hosting this. I really, really appreciate it.
Jenn Turner- CFTE (57:42)
Thank you so much.